Wednesday, October 20, 2010

The Hoars Got It!

A curious blend of things happened over the course of the week that has made me come to a horrifying realization:  I am getting SO OLD!

How do I know this, you ask?  Well, for very exciting reasons to be discussed at a later time, I have been readying some documents with the intention of FINALLY obtaining a passport.  As part of this process, I had to dig out my birth certificate from it's dusty home in my baby book to make a copy.  As if looking at the birth date wasn't depressing enough, an absolutely horrifying stench hit my olfactory nerve: THE SMELL OF OLD PAPER.

You know, the smell of old used book stores?  That musty, moldy, disgusting smell that tells you what you're reading is REALLY FUCKING OLD?  My birth certificate smelled like that.  Which means that I am extremely old.  Depressing!!

On the heels of this epiphany, I was perusing my vocabulary words for the day (for that horrible test I'm taking next week..) and I came across one that made me giggle: "Hoar".  Being a teenage boy at heart, I giggled over the egregious misspelling of the oldest profession in the world.  But, I did look it up, and it does NOT mean "Paris Hilton."  It actually means, "white with age."

Immediately, an image of all the hot guys there are with white hair popped in my brain.*  It's amazing how many there are!  Here are my top favorites:


1.  Ted Danson

Holy shit, Ted Danson is one Hot Hoar!!!  I first noticed how hot Ted was as a hoar on the extremely funny comedy Bored to Death on HBO, where he plays a pot-head publisher with prostate cancer.  Then I saw him as the evil Arthur Frobisher on Damages, and I was officially in love.

Oh come on, you know that Hoar get's your juices flowing.  You can admit it.

*sigh* He brings out my inner teenager.
2. Anderson Cooper

Little tee-shirts don't ALWAYS equal homosexuality, right?
Hot damn, does this hoar make you crazy hoar-ny (ha! ha!), or what?!  I could listen to Anderson talk about anything, whether it be stinky cheese, his body odor, or even Sarah Palin!  AND he's like a perpetual bachelor, so there's a chance.  I'm probably not his type, ifyouknowwhatimean... But a girl can dream, right?

3. Richard Gere

Okay, okay.  So Gere hasn't exactly weathered the storm as well as the others.  But, you have to give him some cred for being super hot when he was younger, plus there's something distinguished about him.  Let's just forget about those extremely bad middle-aged-rom-coms he's been doing lately with hot middle-aged co-stars, because that's just gross.

4.  George Clooney

'Nuff said.

**Much thanks to Catherine for pointing out this horrible oversight on my part!

5.  Tom Bergeron

Funny Hoar!
So this one might be one of the more embarrassing ones for me to admit, but I think Tom's hot!  I'm not a huge fan of Dancing with the Stars, but to hear Tom scream "LIVE!!!" at the end of the opening credits is one of the high points of the week.  Plus I like his off-color jokes.  Ahem.  Moving on.

6. Gandalf/Ian McKellen

Magic Hoar!
Ahahahaha, just kidding!

Or am I?

I apologize for this useless post, but I thought the hoars of Hollywood/Washington/The Shire deserved a shout-out.

Editor's Note:  I put a little survey up top so you guys can vote for your favorite Hoar.  I do this because I feel like a huge imbecile and would like y'all to make me feel better by indicating that YOU like hoars as well!  Come on, help a girl out.


Anonymous said...

I also have an extreme love of all things Anderson Cooper! He is one hot hoar ;)

Anonymous said...

If you were actually old, you would remember Ted Danson from Cheers, and he would forever be Sam Malone to you no matter how white his hair is. So you're safe.

I, however, am apparently not. Hmph.


Bi said...

Hahaha, I do remember Cheers, but I never thought he was hot until the white hair came into play. Some men just don't hit their stride until hoar-hood!

Catherine said...

Hilarious, but you left out the best two hoars out there!

Sean Connery. That man gets sexier every year!

Also, George Clooney. Rawr!

Bi said...

OMG Catherine, you are so right!! How could I forget Clooney?! I think I always think about him as the dark-haired cutie from ER, it didn't occur to me he had greys now. I'll revise my post, thanks for the tip!! ;)

Christine said...

Mmmm....Anderson Cooper....

delicious ;-)

"M" said...

A fellow 20sb-er! Thanks for the follow. Love your blog. And I totally agree on the hotness level of oldies 1-4 (ESPECIALLY 4). Looking forward to reading more posts.

theTsaritsa said...

Ted Danson is DEAD SEXY!! I love him on Bored To Death, that show rules!

Sara said...

Anderson Cooper is my SILVER FOX!




Roxanne and Lorraine said...

I'm going with Anderson too as top Hoar.
And this entire post made me giggle. Especially since I actually like the smell of old paper. SUE ME. Whatever.


Andnowlights said...

Alright, I'm hooked on your blog after reading one post! You are too funny! Hi, found your blog on 20sb! I'm Kristen, new-ish there :)

Jing said...

Oh wow! I've never been one for older guys, but I agree that you picked a few good hoars haha!

P.s. the men in Ukraine are nowhere near as attractive as the women, and if you are over the age of 20 and not married yet, all the babushkas ask you why you aren't married (what a crazy cultural moment!).

Mark said...

awwe, what about hotcake bill o'reilly? mr. bush? or seriously, john stewart?