Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Insanity Averted, but Barely!!

Hey all, long time no see!!  I've been busy banging my head against the wall while my whole family inhabits the house, which inevitably leads to several blow-ups and irritations and wanting to stab myself with some sort of cooking utensil.  This year, the blow-ups were actually at a minimum, which is pretty interesting considering my youngest brother didn't have a car and hung around ALL DAY.  EVERY DAY.  As you will recall, he has a tendency to make everyone scream at the top of their lungs within moments of beginning a conversation, but he was pretty well-behaved this time.  Regardless, I am SO glad it's over.

But I got a midget guitar for Christmas so I can play some tunes with my midget hands, so that was a bonus!  Unfortunately, I also received a horrible cold virus in my stocking, so that sucks.  BAH HUMBUG!

I thought I would get rid of post-holiday blues by finally posting on my bloggity blog, beginning with a "Seven Random Things" meme that was kindly passed on to me by my good pal, Meri at Meri-Goes-Round.  I am ashamed to say that while she has been blogging for far less time than I have, she has over THREE TIMES as many posts as I do!!!  Shameful, I say.  Clearly Bi's got to get her shit together!!

So, without further ado, here are seven random things I'm sure you never wanted to know about yours truly:

1.  I am obsessed with the 80's.

Leg warmers, Nintendo, sweatbands, jellies, Michael Jackson, you name it!  I LOVE THE 80'S!  I wish I could just time warp back to the 80's so I could be an awkward dork again like Molly Ringwald and wear my hair in a side ponytail without looking like a jackass.  Not to mention my crimper, which was like my favorite hair utensil EVAH!!  Here's me in some of my 80's garb glory:

Is this the most bad-ass 80's hipster you've ever seen?
And yes, that is a Pac-Man shirt.  Niiiiiice.

That is HAWT.   Eat your heart out, Tiffany!!!

2.  I am desperate to find something I'm good at.  And I mean desperate.

Most people have some sort of hobby that they at least enjoy, and if they enjoy it they are usually pretty good at it.  I don't seem to have that!  The only thing I'm good at is running my mouth and sitting on my ass, or so it seems.  I'm awfully good at spending money too; I have a rare talent of finding something to buy in the most unlikely of stores.

But anyway, back to this desperation thing.  I get obsessed with things that I am convinced I will be good at, but I'm too cheap and too embarrassed to actually find someone to teach me how to do them.  So, I try to teach myself!  These things have included:  Making beaded jewelry, knitting, almost any kind of arts and crafts, cooking, baking, blogging, rock climbing, running, video games, dancing, and, most recently, playing guitar.  I took a pottery class because I wanted to be totes cool like Demi Moore in Ghost, and maybe meet some hot ghost man to show me how, but that didn't happen.  In fact, all I got was a couple of malformed bowls and a coffee mug that the instructor made for me.  Perhaps I should hold a giveaway??

I'm still trying to find a hobby that does not include drinking, watching TV, or dancing around in my living room.  Any suggestions??

3.  I love silly tee-shirts.

I have a plethora of tee-shirts that say the dumbest things, but I just can't get enough!  Here are some of my favorites:

Can you guess which one is me??

Ha!  Ha!  Cracks me up every time.


That says "Peas on Earth".  You know, like peace?
Believe it or not, this is the second shirt I own that has some variation of the "peas" "peace" thing.  Who would have thought you could find more than one shirt with a vegetable sitting on top of the world?

Yes, I'm 27.  And yes, I DO wear these out in the community, thankyouverymuch!  I'm particularly fond of the reaction the naked banana gets, which is usually characterized by the other person squinting their eyes at my breasts as their brain tries to process the image they are viewing, followed by a confused look, and maybe an eye roll if I'm lucky.

Bitches.  They just have NO personality.  That's when I break out the "Don't hate me cos you ain't me!" look:

Yes, that says, "Nerdy by Nature".  Is that a knee-slapper, or what??!

4.  I totally believe in the Zodiac.

Anything that tells me I'm totally awesome and have a bright future in front of me is fine by me!!

Yeah yeah, I know about that whole "There's a sucker born every minute" crap.  But whatevs, my sign tells me I'm a "trend-setter" and that I have one smashing personality, which CLEARLY is true.  I read my horoscope every day, and despite the fact that it almost never comes true, I still get excited when it tells me that I'm going to meet a new love or discover some new un-honed talent.

Sometimes, my horoscope is eerily accurate, like yesterday when it told me that there can be too much "togetherness" sometimes, and I should probably take some time to myself.  I then seized the opportunity to not leave the house or get out of my pajamas ALL DAY after my last brother's departure.  Sweet.

5.  I'm sort of a hypochondriac.

And by "sort of", I really mean, "flaming".  During my 27 years of life, I have convinced myself that I have suffered from the following ailments (and this is just a random sample):

Brain tumor
Skin cancer
Hepatitis B
Herpes (Type A, DUH!  Ahem.)
Chickenpox after I already it
Swine Flu
Lyme's Disease
Early-Onset Alzheimer's Disease
Bed Bugs
Flesh-Eating Bacteria
Food Poisoning
Bug bites caused by a big hairy flesh eating insect that crawled onto my ass in the middle of the night (But I still maintain that this actually happened)

WebMD is the WORST thing to have ever been invented, and I have to make a conscious effort to stay off of it at all times.  HATE IT!

6.  I have social anxiety.

You wouldn't think it due to my "extroverted" personality, but I actually suffer from a significant amount of social anxiety.  Prior to any social outing, whether it be family gatherings, bar-hopping, or just a friend visiting, I get extremely anxious over the stupid things I might say or do!  I have a tendency to put my large foot in my mouth on numerous occasions, so I have learned to obsess over this as much as possible before, during, and after said social event.

This ailment seems to have worsened during the course of my unemployment, as I have even less to talk about than before, thereby increasing the chances that I will say something completely ridiculous.  So, if you ever see me trembling in the corner at a gathering or sucking my thumb, it probably means that I have finally regressed to my five-year-old state when I had far less to worry about since no one expected me to be a polite, normal, well-functioning human being.

7.  I can't burp.

Yes, folks, there are people in the world who cannot burp, and I happen to be one of them!  You wouldn't think this would be such a bad thing, but it can be quite debilitating at times.  Imagine that feeling you have when you have to burp... Now, imagine that that gas bubble just gets stuck in your throat and won't come out in the cathartic reflex known as burping.  That's what it's like.  And it lasts for HOURS.

Usually, this only strikes when I drink too much soda or make the really stupid mistake of consuming beer at the bar.  Sometimes, it just decides to hit at random times and make me miserable for the whole day.  I lovingly call this condition "bubble throat", and my risk of going insane greatly increases each time it strikes.  So please, if you are one of the lucky ones who can burp, be thankful!

So, there you have it, seven random things you never asked and never wanted to know.  Hope you all are enjoying your holiday season a little more than I did, and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!



Meri said...

haha, I think I do all of the burping for you. My dad just loves it...

I love that naked banana t-shirt more than words can describe. Actually, all of those t-shirts are awesome. Keep them up!

I am also a hypochondriac. I've determined that having two hypochondriac parents gives me no chance of getting out of this alive, so I just perseverate instead... don't try this at home.

Your 80s party was fantastic. A true tribute to the 80s! Spiked Capri Suns and all!

Finally, it looks like we're going to have to do some soul searching together. Oh, darn! I guess I'll have to spend time hangin out with you! Miss you!

(sorry for page long comment)

Leah said...

Love your shirts!! : )

Christine said...

Wow...I share a lot of things in common with you...

And I really really really want a pac man t-shirt! Best thing I've seen all week :-)

Sarah said...

I too have had every one of those ailments. Stupid WebMD.

Nicki said...

Sweet jaysus, I am in love with that PacMan T-shirt.

Erin said...

Love your shirts! And totally get your social anxiety, I hate being around other people because I am so worried about looking or doing/saying something stupid. Which is probably stupid because usually things are fine, but I'm not exactly a social butterfly over here, so maybe, actually, I'm right to be anxious. Hmm. Food for thought as I spend the day in bed hiding from the outside world...

Jing said...

Awww, I love your tshirt collection! And I have the Peas On Earth christmasy pj pants from David and Goliath :)

You know what's random? I just re-read my 7 Russian Words blog post and I've learned a lot more Russian so I might have to update that list and post another 7 words haha