Monday, February 7, 2011

Oops, I Forgot To Give This a Title It's So Stupid!

Bonjour!  Hope everyone had a drunken awesome weekend!  Mine was as dull as the Superbowl, which, in my book, is DULL INDEED!  In fact, in lieu of Superbowl debauchery with everyone else, I opted for the sex-trafficking documentary marathon that was happening on MSNBC... I have now learned that in spite of growing up in a small town with parents who are still married, I COULD be sold as a sex slave on the streets of small-city-Minnesota!!  Like everyone else, however, I did eat copious amounts of junk food and drank some shitty boxed wine that's been sitting in my refrigerator since before Thanksgiving.  Do I know how to have a good time?  You bet I do!!

Editor's Note:  I really did forget to make a title for this post, so as a result the URL for it is  Love it!

So, given the small amount of things that actually happen in my life, I have been forced to write them all in one post just to make it a suitable length.  And even at that, I had to think long and hard about the events over the last two weeks to even find something post-worthy... Although, arguably these might be questionable as "post-worthy" as well.  Without further ado, here are the random musings/thoughts/events of the last several weeks:

1.  I am resolved to go on a date this year.

  Yes, it's happened.  With MY new year finally underway (see this post), I was trying to think of a resolution that I could actually complete in the year, while still being able to procrastinate and postpone it until the last minute.  Here it is, folks!  A DATE!

You will be sad (but not surprised) to know that in April, it will officially be one year since I have gone on an actual date.  Given that that encounter went down in flames with a political fight over Facebook (see The Angry Republican on this post), it's no surprise that I have retreated to the safety of boxed wine and the couch as my dates for the year.  In fact, after that shit show, I decided that I would never again initiate a date with a guy.  I foolishly thought that if a guy didn't have the cajones to ask me out on a date, then I most certainly didn't need to waste my time with him.  And here we are, dateless one year later.

Normally, I wouldn't really care, but I'm beginning to fear that my social skills are going down the drain the longer I am dateless.  Now, whenever there's a penis in the room that's remotely attractive, I'm all shifty-eyed and mumbling, "Oh, um, how about that weather?  OMIGOD IS THAT MY PHONE I HAVE TO GO!"

Why wouldn't someone want to approach that??

2.  I really need to start drawing my pictures again!

When I finally signed on to my bloggy e-mail account after weeks of negligence, I was surprised to discover that some kind soul actually nominated me for a Bootlegger award at 20SB for "Best Original Illustrations"!  WOOT!!

As nice as that was, I was somewhat shameful that I hadn't actually drawn any illustrations in ages, not since I wrote my zombie story and promptly left it unfinished with all the holiday humdrum.  So here's to not being such a lazy ass anymore:

Clearly I'm a little out of practice.  My apologies.
Please note that RuPaul is supposed to have heels on, not chicken feet.

3.  Winter can kiss my pasty white ass.  

Usually I am a big fan of winter in Minnesota, because it gives me an excuse to stay inside and not feel guilty about it.  I'm really not an outdoorsy kind of gal, and everyone around this God-forsaken state seems to get their jollies out of sitting on some boat on the lake and killing poor defenseless fishies.  Or sitting behind a tree and shooting poor defenseless Bambies.  Or getting skin cancer by sitting outside half-naked in the sun.

I am not ashamed to say that these things have never appealed to me.  So when the sub-zero temperatures and snow avalanches pile up in Minnesota, I welcome them with open arms as an invitation to sit on my ass with no regrets.  But this winter?  This winter can kiss my pasty white ass, because I'm sick of it.  If it snows one more time, I am not leaving the house until the snow melts.  That IS a threat, Mother Nature.

4.  For no discernible reason (other than her utter lack of charisma and talent), I really despise Katy Perry.

The depths to which I dislike this woman cannot be overstated.  I think the fact that Katy Perry has absolutely no personality or charisma makes me dislike her even more.  If someone makes insufferable music and forces the world to look upon their face all the time, they should at least have the decency to be a bitch or a weirdo or something!  Even Britney Spears had the good sense to shave her head to distract everyone from her failing marriage.

Katy Perry is just an idiot, as evidenced by the fact that she actually got kicked off of Sesame Street for having her boobs hanging out.  While I did think that was a bit of an overreaction to kick her off the show, I did find it amusing that Ms. Perry was so utterly stupid that she didn't think to conceal her "cleavage" on a children's show.  However, perhaps it was for the best... Children today are dumb enough as it is!

Well, that's all I can muster up for now, kiddies!  Stay tuned on Thursday for more karaoke fun, though I haven't yet made my video or decided on a song... Oh, decisions, decisions.



Meri said...

What up dear? I love reading your blog as lately it is the only dose of you I've been getting! Sad.
On another note (and feel free to blatantly reject me with no worry of repercussions and/ or ill will) if you are looking for something to do a little web drawing of (like the ones in this post or anything that you feel like) I think I am going to add a "page" to my blog of things people have drawn for me, and I'd be only too happy to have yours be the crown jewel.

Think about it, take your time, and in the mean time I'll see if I can't take you out on a date. Oh, that isn't what you meant by date? well too bad!

theTsaritsa said...

I totally agree with your thoughts on Katy Perry. She's like Kesha in that she has no talent, but at least Kesha gives us something to talk about when she wears trash bags on her shoes.

And kudos for getting nominated!