Monday, February 21, 2011

Playing Hard-To-Get Just Ain't Right

Dear Psychology Department of the Graduate School I Applied To,

Do you remember back in December when I sold you my soul in the form of an application, personal statement, and $150?  Remember when I had piles and piles of vocabulary flashcards and math workbooks that I worked on every day for months and months?  Remember when I lost all my hair and my eyebrow was twitching like a motherfucker because of all the stress you caused me?  Perhaps you didn't notice, but I assure you, I have not forgotten.

You told me then that you would get back to me by "late February", and you are nowhere to be found.  With every BIIINNNGGG that signals a new e-mail in my dreadfully empty Inbox, my ears perk up like an animal's and I run to my computer like a porn addict to a pop-up.  And what do I find?  Dictionary.com's Word O' The Day!  This is especially ironic since the word of the day is often a word that I fitfully studied for months and months prior to taking that dreaded GRE test... ALL TO IMPRESS YOU!

Didn't your mother ever teach you that it is rude to dump your dates by not talking to them?  I made you laugh, I made you cry, I jumped through your hoops, and to no avail!  I studied geometry and algebra at the ripe old age of 27 just to demonstrate my astounding numerical abilities, and apparently it just wasn't impressive enough to warrant an immediate acceptance.  I tried and I tried to please you, but you give me the silent treatment.

Is it another woman?  You know I'm better than her, NO ONE would actually choose to write out flashcards over drinking except me...Because I know how to have a good time!  Remember all the fun we had over words like "parsimonious" and "uxorious"?  Am I the only one that remembers those fractions and x, y variables fondly?  WAS IT ALL ONE-SIDED???!!?

I still want us to be together, so if you care to return my affections, I will receive you with open arms.  All it takes is a lousy e-mail.  I promise!

If this is the end for us, well, I guess it was fun while it lasted.  (NOT).


Sincerely,

Bianca

8 comments:

MeredithDuck said...

Augh, I understand your pain! I was the same way waiting to get into my current program. No worries, I have faith in you, and once it finally comes you can truly celebrate.

Anonymous said...

Ohhh waiting for college responses is the WORST! Good luck to you! Don't worry you'll hear back soon. Love how you write! Clever.

Meri said...

I'm the most miserable, impatient miser on the planet. I have to wait like a minute for a package from amazon, and I lose my mind. I feel your pain. I hope you hear something soon!
Or, I could hunt the jerks down and beat them up for you...

pro said...

Nice blog! I like your writing way. I'm doing practice GRE here: masteryourgre.com . I hope it's useful for GRE test takers.

Roxanne and Lorraine said...

Drink a lot until you hear from them! I mean... that's one idea...

Lor

Sarah said...

Am I the only one who finds it ridiculous to pay $150 just to see if you can have the opportunity to fork over an additional $20,000? Damn the man!

The General said...

I'm far to impatient for this- call them!

Hope you get some good news soon...

Erin

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