Monday, March 21, 2011

Missing: Social Propriety and Personal Boundaries!

Greetings, bloggy friends!  Here I thought that another weekend would go by without any eventful happenings to blog about, but I should have known that that could never happen when actual social outings were scheduled.  After my last bout with social impropriety in the fitting room, I began to suspect that Minnesotans' sense of personal boundaries had been wasted away in the blustery, frigid winter weather.  Yesterday, my suspicion was confirmed. Allow me to explain in both written and illustrative form.

Yesterday was not only the first day of spring, but happens to be the day of my dear mother's birth!  While the dreariness of the day did not exactly seem like spring, I was bound and determined for my mom to have a great day.  So, I decided to take her to the movies.

We arrived at the movie theater at around 1:00, and I treated my dear mother to a variety of goodies from the concession stand:


While Mom and I were eating our greasy sustenance, minding our own business, a young (slightly balding) man enters the theater and proceeds to do the following:

Yay, Mama and Baby sitting together!

Hmm, this must be the best row in the house?


Yes, of all the empty seats in the theater, he chose to sit RIGHT NEXT to my mother.  Now my mom's a cougar, but come on!  Creepy, much?

But it gets better!

He continues to violate all sense of social propriety in the following manner:

This would be so much better if this jackass hadn't sat next to us!

It's always a good idea to imply that the two young ladies sitting to your right are pigs.

Um, is he speaking?

When social cues tell you that you are rude and creepy, please, by all means, keep talking and asking personal questions.

Every time I see Creepo's head pop out, yet another personal question and/or stupid comment comes pouring out of his mouth.
My cheeks begin to flush with annoyance.

Then, as if things couldn't get any more irritating, he says:

Thanks for the reminder, Helpy Helperton, but...
 I think I'll leave it on so someone can call the police after I PUNCH YOU!
Okay okay, so maybe that was more a reflection of my inner thoughts.  

As my mom and I continued to make fun of people converse with one another, ass-hat's stupid comments took a decidedly scary turn:

I'm sure you already have some duct tape in the trunk of your car so you can abduct unsuspecting and innocent young women!

What I very much wanted to do.
Thankfully, he shut up during the movie and he walked out rather quickly.  But, just to be safe, I had my keys in my hand at the ready in case he pounced on us like a jungle cat, and I feverishly checked the rearview mirror in case the psycho decided to follow us.  

And what does my mom say about this whole thing?

"I thought he was KEEEEEEEWWWIIIIIITTTTAAAHHH!  You should have talked to him!"

Yes, Mom, serial killers are so damn adorable.  Just like Dexter.

Again, I have to end this by saying, PEOPLE ARE STUPID.



theTsaritsa said...

hahaha, some people just do not understand personal space. That's so annoying, I would have got up and moved to another row, but it's funny that your mom didn't seem to care. Oh well.

Meri said...

My theory is that when our mommas were our age, there were less creeps around, so they didn't adapt and mutate to have creep radar... my mom is always talking about how young men are just "friendly." um, sure mom... or rapey...

they have pizza at the movies?

Johnny Madrid aka Tim E. said...

Hahahahaha! Those illustrations! Comedy Gold. This is some real "Curb your enthusiasm" stuff. You've got to make a graphic novel. I'll buy the rights and make the movie. Or at the very least internet series. ;-)

Sara said...

The only response I have is.... WHAT. THE. FUCK.

That picture of him walking to his seat made me burst out laughing at work. Thanks for that!

Roxanne and Lorraine said...

That was my fave part too Sara! I always have these personal space rules when it comes to empty seats, tables, stalls at the bathroom. It baffles me when people don't have them. Gah.


Christianna said...

Goodness, this is one of those stories that are funny to tell later. Some guys are just plain creepy, and should keep their mouths shut. I think I woulda gotten up and moved...

ShellyTalks said...

I would have just gotten up and moved. That is so creepy! Happy Birthday Momsy! (Can I call her momsy?)

Coyote Rose said...

OMG, ewww. I would have done one of two things: A. moved seats while giving him the dirtiest look ever or B. would have told him to kindly take his creepy ass self somewhere else before i crotched punched him.

But seriously, someone needs to crotch punch that guy.

Melbourne on my mind said...

:O I *hate* when people have no regard for my personal bubble! Like the guy at the airport today who - even though the gate lounge was 3/4 empty - came and sat right next to me and then pulled out his nasal spray and proceeded to use it. Ew...

But yours tried to strike up a conversation, which adds a WHOLE extra level of creepiness...

Bi said...

@Tsarita and Christianna: I know, I wanted to get up, but my mom still operates by that "Minnesota nice" mentality and doesn't ever want to be "rude".

@Meri: I have had that very conversation with my mother, ha!! And YES, they now have pizza, and it's actually pretty good!!

@Johnny: We have a deal!

@Sara and Lor: Yep. WTF indeed.

@Shelly: Of COURSE you can call her Momsy!! Hahaha!

@Coyote Rose: Agreed on all counts. See "Minnesota nice" comment above, haha!

@Melbourne: That sounds HORRIBLE!!! OMG, what happened to boundaries?!!?! At least he didn't offer you any nasal spray... ;)

Anonymous said...

I am curious as to why you chose to remain seated next to him. I would have stood up and changed seats. You were not a victim. Once you chose to stay seated next to him you became a volunteer.