Monday, April 11, 2011

Big Pimpin', Monsters, and Soda Cans

Good morning, everyone!  Greetings from humid Minnesota, where there is no such thing as spring since winter lasts FOREVER and immediately morphs into heat, humidity, and fuzzy hair.

Minnesota... Where the 70's never left!
My weekend can be perfectly summed up by telling you that my left ass cheek hurts like Forrest Gump's in Vietnam, and it isn't because of too much activity!  It was mercifully uneventful, with some much needed relaxation time and little human interaction so I could regroup from a few weeks of perpetual pissed-offedness.  Today, I have an "interactive" job interview that should result in plenty of humiliation to blog about later in the week, so stay tuned for that!

First I would like to just share my relief sorrow that the hockey season has officially come to a screeching halt for the Minnesota Wild, but not before they killed off the playoff hopes of my most hated NHL team, the Dallas Stars, in an exciting 5-3 win in their last game of the season.

Go back to where you came from!
Sweet redemption for the crash and burn that was the last two months of the Wild season?  I think so!

But, on to more important things.

Since I like to pimp out my bloggy friends (and myself, incidentally), please take some time to check out the lovely Christianna's blog, The Girl with the Blue Bow, to see Yours Truly featured in her "Any Friend of Mine" series!  Christianna wanted me to send her a picture, and I really really really wanted to post this one from our family trip to Savannah last year (as featured on my 20SB profile):

Squeezing that egg out hurt like a motherfucker, FYI...

So yeah, I wanted to send her this one, but my mom was standing behind me and said, "Um, why are you sending that picture?"  I informed her that me sitting on an egg and flapping my arms like a birdie perfectly captured my personality (in that I am a huge idiot), and she said, "Well, I think it makes you look special."  And I'm sure you know what she meant by "special".  Nice, Mom!

So I sent my generic one instead.  LAME.  But, that's not why you should visit Christianna, you should visit her because she's adorable and writes awesome movie/music reviews that totes made me want to see Red Riding Hood!  While I neglected to blog about how much I adored that movie (though admittedly I think Christianna and I liked it for different reasons), suffice to say I have not laughed so much during a movie since... um.. The Hangover, I guess.  Yeah, it was THAT GOOD.

LOVES IT.

In other news, I my mom was watching Housewives of Miami or something over the weekend, and I nearly dropped my gin and tonic orange juice in horror after seeing this monstrosity (who is one of the housewives' mothers, evidently):

Image from here
Believe it or not, actual spoken words were able to escape from this woman's "mouth" in relatively coherent sentences...  It was actually quite fascinating, as the words somehow were able to be articulated even though she could hardly move her lips.  In fact, the only movement this woman was able to muster up in her face were her beady little eyes darting back and forth!  I am shuddering even now as I type this.  Isn't there such a thing as corrective corrective surgery?  I suppose her face would actually fall off if it went under the knife again.

And lastly, I just wanted to laugh over a recent advertisement I saw for this "taller, sassier" Pepsi can that the company says is "in celebration of beautiful, confident women":

Image from here
Pretty sure even Don Draper would agree that that was a very bad idea.   Evidently this has caused quite a controversy for its very obvious social commentary on the "ideal woman"...But, I got a good laugh out of it (followed by crippling anxiety) while I was devouring my bucket of KFC salad and reading The National Enquirer TIME magazine.

Ahem.

Editor's Note:  Just kidding.

Sorry for this useless post, but I am trying out this new image program and it is taking me even longer than usual to produce my visual masterpieces that illustrate my stupid adventures.  However, I DID manage to make a new banner (finally), so any feedback you have would be much appreciated.  Even if it's to tell me that I suck.

~Bi~

9 comments:

Arguendo | Dixi said...

So you didn't actually create the "monstrosity" with your new image program????

Now I'm scared...

Meri said...

Cool- what is the image program?
And I bet your hair looks just as adorable as it always does, frizz schmizz, I don't believe you :)
the man has been ranting on the crap that is the wild for at least a month now. Last night was like a new beginning for me haha.

Christianna said...

Hahahaha your interview is finally up. I was up late last night partying, standing around, with rock stars, so yeah.

Hahahaha I love your write up about "Red Riding Hood", I agree with you on all accounts. Though I didn't laugh as much as you did, I think I knew how over the top it was going to be beforehand.

And I love the new banner! Totes awesomeness!

theTsaritsa said...

What's with the new Pepsi can? That's weird. And I love the photo of you laying the egg!! Special or not, it's an awesome photo :)

beanditch said...

Minnesota sounds a lot like Michigan. My hair was pretty much identical to that yesterday.

And the fact that you put the word mouth in quotes made my life. :)

Liddy said...

I have a picture of myself eerily similar to yours where I am in a fake dinosaur's nest guarding my eggs. Also, DAY-AMN, that can is ready to take on the world in its own sassy way! You go girl!

Apfel said...

The picture is precious!! I loved it and I found it special too but in a very sweet way :) And then I got scared coz I saw that housewife picture.

ShellyTalks said...

You really should put a warning before you post that much plastic surgery on one page. That picture is scary!

"M" said...

The BF and I flipped on Real Housewives of Miami and saw the same monstrosity. She scared my boyfriend so badly that he ran away to the bedroom and didn't come out for 30 minutes. I just sat on the couch, in shock, a little scared, and a lot nauseated.