Friday, May 20, 2011

My First Ever (Non-Karaoke) Drunken Blog Post!!!


So here I sit, alone, drunk, and pantless in my basement, watching the San Jose Sharks kick the Vancouver Canucks' cuuuuute but annoying asses in the.. um... I believe the "conference finals" of the Stanley Cup Playoffs.  As a Minnesota hockey fan, I feel obligated to hate the Canucks, because they're assholes, but in reality I don't much care who wins... Oh, wait, there was just a really hawt fight between two players that I don't know.  OH MY GOD I FUCKING LOVE HOCKEY!!!

OMG I am just kidding.  Geez.

Also, this was the only picture I could attempt while intoxicated.  My apologises.

So anyway, I thought I should probably explain why I'm pantless (as if y'all really need an explanation.  Ha!).  I wanted to write up a drunken post, as my title suggests, and I was so excited that I ran upstairs and left my beer sitting on the couch.  Upon my return (and one drink later), I flailed my arms around in excitement and knocked my beer over, so my couch is now beer-stained and so is my ass.  Yes, my ass.  The only option was to remove my pants!!!!!

Also, my asshole friend Mark is ignoring me on Facebook.  What is up with the ignoring, people?!  NOT COOL!  It's a Friday night and I am on Facebook, clearly I am in need of some socializing.  PLUS, Mark has informed me that he is in Korea right now, and the Rapture has already passed, and he is STILL HERE!! Ugh, I was hoping I could stop job-searching and all that grown-up bull shit for all eternity, but I guess that was too much to hope for.

Sorry, Mark.  You just responded.  I didn't mean it.  Swearsies.

***Pee Break******

Do you know what my favorite thing to do when I've been drinking is?  DANCE.  Hellz yeah.  And do you know to what?  You'll never guess.

OMG is this the best song EVAH?  I could listen to this ALL DAY.  What the hell happened to Deadeye Dick anyway?  They are probably ALSO getting drunk in their basement, pantless, watching the Canucks lose.

You will never guess how many times I had to correct the three sentences above (not to mention this very sentence) due to spelling/grammatical errors.  Grammar is still very important to me, even when intoxicated.  As fellow bloggers (most of you), I thought you'd like to know.

Um, the annoying Versus announcer was talking about Vancouver, and he said, "They bring it hard and fast, and very quickly!"  They do not sound like superior lovers if you ask me.

And yes, I just said "lovers", and I would do it again.  And again and again.  HA!

Oops, I spelled "apologies" wrong up there.  I tried to correct it like fifty times, but to no avail.

I'm going to go now, as I'm sure you all are wondering what the hell would possess me to post this just now.  Blame the Coors Light.

Yes, I drink Coors Light because I am so fucking cool.  Hellz yeah.



Liddy said...

Yours sounds like a charmed life... and I'm pretty sure you contain a piece of my soul or something.

Melbourne on my mind said...

I drank half a litre of Rekorderlig pear cider tonight and then remembered that I'm babysitting my niece. Whoops. Responsible babysitter to the max!

Also? That picture made me almost snort cider out my nose with laughter...

lalalalauren said...

LOL. This post is fantastic, Bi. Kudos on grammatical correctness. My ability to spell and use punctuation appropriately is usually the first thing to go when I'm drunk.

I also love that you included a "pee break." Those are very important sometimes.

Johnny Madrid aka Tim E. said...

I had an "incident" on friday the 13th no less. It too involved the booze. Never again my friend...never touching a drop of the booze. Well okay, next weekend on back on beer...but for now...never again.