Monday, May 23, 2011

Okay, I Lied. So Sue Me!

I know I said I wasn't going to blab about my vacation anymore, but my brother FINALLY responded to my terroristic threats and sent the pictures!  WEEEE, I know you are all jumping out of your seats!!  I figure if these monstrosities are taking up space on my hard drive, the least I can do is share them with someone.

YAY, The Animal Kingdom and the TREE OF LIFE!!!  That idiot in the blue is ME! 
Walking into the Animal Kingdom, it should be noted that we spent the better part of the first twenty minutes trying to explain to my mother that there were animals "carved" into the Tree of Life.  You can't really see it in the photo, but for anyone who was working eyeballs, the animals are fairly evident.  For my mother, who refuses to wear her glasses and will instead squint at seemingly-large objects, the Tree of Life was simply a normal, albeit really fat, fake tree.

One of the most disgusting things I have ever seen.
This is a giant bat, in case you couldn't tell.  What I would like to note here is (a) OMIFUCKINGGOD THAT THING IS HUGE AND DISGUSTING!!, and (b) Holy Hell, look at the balls on that thing!

What every man should aspire to.

He'll make some lucky lady very happy one day!

Yummy, breakfast!
This is an example of what we call "the Shroud of Sharon" in our family.  My mother HATES pictures, and no matter what the cost she will hide her face.  In all subsequent photos that are posted, my mother will be attempting to hide behind someone or running away.  She would kill me if she knew I was posting this photo right now, but it's just so stupid I had to do it!

This time, Bi is the shroud!
Camera sandwich on the Swiss Family Robinson tree house.  This is the part where the little girl behind us shouted, "HURRY UP, I HAVEN'T GOT ALL DAY!!!".  I was already pretty sick of pictures at this point, so I had to concur.  That's my oldest brother in the blue, followed by my brother's annoying partner with the camera (of course) at the end.

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
Give me a break, it was our first day there!  You can't get a tan right away, sheesh.
Despite my gender automatically qualifying me for the role of Snow White, check out the pasty whiteness!  My middle brother, Ryan, is the one in the black.  Don't ask me what we were doing in this photo, but I think I was confused and was trying to be a dwarf.  Ahem.

Jean Grey... Er, I mean Ryan... posing for the camera!
It should be noted here that I bought Ryan that hat at Vanity (a store tailored towards teenage girls, for the uninformed), and I also own one in black.  Can you tell?!??  Giving gifts to a gay man is SO EASY!

For the Harry Potter fans out there.

Please don't hate me, but I don't read Harry Potter (Actually, my brothers and I call it "Harry Pooter".  Don't ask me why, but I think it has a certain ring to it.  Especially because the word "pooter" reminds me of a butthole.).  I've tried really really hard to read the books, but I just can't seem to stick with them... Probably because each one gets progressively longer, MY GOD!  I don't know how kids maintain their attention span that damn long, because I just can't.  Plus there's that Harry Potter-language that requires far too much memory span for me to retain throughout a 700-page volume, so I end up feeling like a huge idiot because I have no idea what they're talking about, even though the book is geared towards children.  #iamsodamnsmart

Anyway, that's the castle.  The ride was pretty cool.  I won't make all you Pooter fans jealous by raving about it.  :)

At this time, I wanted to punch Ryan in the face for making me paddle around in a swan when it was 90 degrees and humid.
OMG, I have never been so fucking hot in all my life.  And I do NOT mean HAWT hot.  I mean wanting to faint hot.  GROSS!


By far the most exciting part of the vacation was ziplining through the trees!

It was in your best interest to not wear undies that crept up your butt during this activity.
Wish I would have known that before getting there.  Ahem.
For your viewing pleasure, I am also going to post this video of Ryan ziplining, only because I find it hilarious. I don't know if anyone else will find this as funny as I did (as evidenced by my cackling laughter), but here it is:

That annoying man talking is the partner.  I'm sure you can tell even from his voice that he's irritating as hell, can't you?!!??!  It's unfortunate that he wasn't able to catch himself on video when he nearly pulled the poor worker right off the platform because he was trying to impress everyone with his ziplining prowess!  While it was nearly a life-and-death situation, I howled with laughter for at least ten minutes following that embarrassing incident.  Of COURSE I told everyone that I didn't know him and he was not related to me in any way, and I think Ryan did the same.

Those are the highlights!  Hope you all had a wonderful weekend, and I do apologize for that drunken post from Friday... Ahem.



Liddy said...

Awesome! I've been wondering about Florida amusement parks that aren't Disney World. It's really kind of tragic that your mom couldn't distinguish the carvings on the Tree of Life, I think they're kind of amazing.
Was ziplining the best thing ever?

lalalalauren said...

Haha, great pics! Looks like a fun trip!

I love that your mom has to hide behind napkins when pictures are taken. So good.

Jes said...

Girl a pooter is a vagina!

"Gives my pooter an infection that stings worse than a swarm of bees" - Waking up in Reno.

Looks like you had a lot of fun! I love Disney but refuse to go basically any time thats isnt fall or winter due to the heat!

Johnny Madrid aka Tim E. said...

That looks like an awesome vacation! I need one too actually. Drunken post on friday? Must read that one!

Bi said...

@Liddy: Universal Studios was really fun!! My advice: go at night, because the lines go down considerably, and there aren't as many annoying children running around. Also, ziplining was up there with the best thing ever. For sure.

@Lauren: Yes, the Shroud of Sharon shows up at every vacation... It is sort of fun to try to catch her unawares and then laugh at the pictures later. Behind her back. Ahem.

@Jes: Oh, well now the "Harry Pooter" name is all the more hilarious! I had never heard that before, much thanks for the info!

@Johnny: YOU'RE BACK!! I was beginning to worry about you, it had been so long. Also, I too had a drunken debacle on Friday the 13th, though mine was extremely fun and worth the horrible hangover I think.

Melbourne on my mind said...

Looks like a blast, despite the giant bat balls! I too tend to hide in photos, but that's because if I do anything other than smile politely, I end up looking like I've escaped from the short bus. This was especially obvious over the weekend when my niece got a camera for her 6th birthday and kept making me do silly poses. She does them, they're cute. My younger brother does them, he looks cool. I do them? Someone get a straight jacket, there's a homicidal maniac on the loose. *sigh*

theTsaritsa said...

Aww, I love bats, I think they're cute! And ziplining looks so fun! The only ziplining I've ever done was at the playground, and it was probably only twenty feet long. Not the same as doing it through the jungle!

Meri said...

These are great! Even with family "issues" if you will, I'm super jealous and wish I had gone...

Nadiine said...

it looks like sooo much fun :)
i love your excitement in the first photo ahaa! x

Nadiine said...

alsoooo... my other blog got deleted :@ i will find them and feed them to my cat... in the meanwhile check out my new one :)

Jess said...

Love the pictures! You have an award waiting at my blog!

Jess said...

I lied... you have 2 awards!!

Nicki said...

Duuuuuuuuuuude I freaking love those bats at Animal Kingdom...I took about a billion pics of them while I was there...CAN'T say I ever noticed the ginormous size of their ballsack. Fail on my part.