Thursday, May 12, 2011

Thanks, Le Pew!

Today, I realized that my computer is an asshole.

Yes, my beloved computer is turning into a disobedient little shit that does whatever it wants to do without regard for its mother's wishes.  This morning, I tried to log onto my favorite porn site rather inactive Twitter account, and this is what I got:

Uhh, "refusing to fulfill it"?  Did I say that going to that web site was an option, MISTER??!  I think not!!  My mouse click commands are just that, COMMANDS!  If I want to bore people with my every status update on Twitter, you will provide me with that service because I take care of you.   Now go to your room!  Asshole.

I sure told him.  This prick will think twice now before screwing with my Twitter.  I'm convinced that it is my computer's disobedience that caused the disappearance of my last blog post, not to mention its refusal to post them sometimes.  I think it likes to disguise its assholishness through other web sites, like Twitter and Blogger, just to throw me off the trail.  NOT ANYMORE, SON!  

In other news, I thought I would point out that in looking at my stats, I have been noticing something very odd.  Consistently, the blog post that gets the most attention is this one, a short entry on a hair-dye disaster that left a rather skunky-looking streak on the back of my head.  

**Update:  I tried re-dying my hair after that, and the streak got a little lighter but it was STILL THERE.  That was back in October, and you can still see remnants of skunk streak in my hair to this day.  Moral of the story:  Get your hair done at a salon.  Box dye sucks.  Ahem.

This post seriously gets at least a dozen views a day, which obviously struck me as odd considering it was tiny and seemingly uneventful.  Upon further inspection, I realized that this was the culprit:

Nothing wrong with a little added exposure.
I don't even know where I got this picture from, but it must be pretty damn popular!  Sadly, Pepe le Pew gets more hits in a day than my entire blog does in a week.

Editor's Note:  Do you see what I did there?  I have strategically reposted that very same picture to facilitate even MORE hits to my blog, but on a more recent post.  Sometimes I am just blown away by my genius.  Aren't you??!

Also, my favorite keyword search that led someone here has got to be "alcyhol".  I don't know who is more stupid: me for actually putting that word in a post, or the poor idiot who actually spelled alcohol that way in a Google search.



theTsaritsa said...

Your computer has an attitude problem!

Kev D. said...

That's TOTALLY how I came across your blog. I was trying to look like Bonnie Raitt.

I was trying to give them something to talk about.

Christine said...

I love box dye...SO much cheaper! The key is in mastering the application though. I've had a couple tragedies in my early years, but now I've got it down!

Or noone has been letting me know that I've effed up the back of my head :-P

I'll continue to believe it's the former.

Meri said...

I have definitely skunked my hair trying to dye it chocolatey brown with a box dye, and the dead bleached hair shines through. Oops. I just said I did it on purpose.

Liddy said...

I'm fascinated by seeing what posts get views and what people were searching for when they find my blog through Google... and often times also depressed by the same. My favorite search has to be from a Russian version of Google that led to my blog was "mom poop and scream and me door open" or something like that.... To think that Russian Google equates my blog with screaming fecal encounters really disturbs me.

ShellyTalks said...

1) I get that twitter message ALL THE TIME! It makes me so angry! Probably more angry than a person should get, but I'm just passionate...or something. (Probably too much time on my hands)

2) My most popular hit is a picture of Coco...Ice-T's wife. It sort of creeps me out that people look at my blog to probably think dirty thoughts about her. Especially when the search is something along the lines of "big butt coco"

Kev D. said...

I totally left a comment on this post about Bonnie Raitt and giving them something to talk about.

Anyways, hopefully this one stays.

Bi said...

@Kev D: Yes, you did! Don't worry, I read it before Blogger decided to get its period and stop working. Grrr! Thanks!

Tours of the Vatican said...

I always knew computers had pretentious attitudes! That happened to me a few days ago with Facebook and Blogger. It's so frustrating! They're supposed to answer to us, not us to them. Someone needs to e-mail the computers of the world a memo.