Monday, July 25, 2011

Sundays At the Nursing Home... Er, I Mean My House

Don't you hate it when you post something that's totally emotional and whiny, and then you get this influx of new readers?  Then they all think that you are over-emotional and a Debbie Downer because they saw that one post and they never come back?  I hate that.  Luckily, I seemed to have gained a couple of new followers since my rather depressing I GOT A JOB!!!! post, so I thought I'd quickly post something else that actually has a sense of humor.  WELCOME, new readers!!!

Unfortunately, there is a bit of a catch when it comes to me posting something interesting... Mainly that I am actually an old, humorless wretch stuck in a twenty-something's body.  Just wait until I tell you what I did on Sunday.  If you hadn't already decided that I am a boring loser, then this will surely convince you.  Here we go:

8:00am: Roll out of bed.

8:30am: Romantic breakfast date (with my mother).

10:00am: Babbled with my brother on the phone about all the TV shows that we both watch.

12:00pm: Lunch time!

1:00pm: Sit in front of the TV. Oooh, look at that!  A Swamp Wars Marathon on Animal Planet!

If you guys haven't watched this show, you really should give it a try... It's fascinatingly disgusting.  I watch it with some variation of this look on my face:

This show most definitely makes me NEVER want to live in Florida, as if the heat and humidity weren't reasons enough for me... (Sorry, Lor, if you're reading this... Ha!).

2:00pm: Still more Swamp Wars, including a video of a python actually eating an alligator.  Evidently the gator was a bit too much for it to handle, as it subsequently exploded (which, unfortunately, was NOT caught on tape).  Here's the photo, a frightening example of "eyes bigger than your tummy" syndrome:

This is kind of how I feel after an impulsive trip to Denny's.  Ahem.
I tried to find the actual video that left me nauseous for the remainder of the afternoon, but sadly, I couldn't find it.

5:00pm: Still more Swamp Wars...

Can you imagine seeing this thing running around your yard??!?!!??!
It should be noted that my grandmother, who is over 80, sickly, and generally unpleasant, watches Animal Planet on mute with the Closed Captioning (due to her horrible hearing, of course..)  ALL DAY.  Am I turning into my grandmother?  Probably.

But she has a genuine phobia of the little people on Pit Boss.  At least I haven't gotten to that point yet.

Then again, I've never watched Pit Boss, so I better not count my chickens before they hatch.  Anyway.  On to more riveting Sunday TV!

8:00pm:  One of my favorite hours of television, Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew!

As a person schooled in the particulars of psychotherapy, it is always weird to watch shows about therapists.  Generally speaking, I watch them and think "Holy Hell, that person is unethical!" (which is pretty much EVERY therapist on TV).  Or, "Sheesh, I wish I had him as a therapist" (in reference to Gabriel Byrne on In Treatment, of course.  Yummy... For an old guy...)

I like to think about what I would say in the session, which would usually be something along the lines of, "So what do you think would make you feel better?".

Note: It should be noted that I am fully aware that that is not a helpful thing to say, but it was usually the only thing I could think of because I wasn't really listening.  Ahem.

I used to think that Dr. Drew was pretty competent until I started to watch Celebrity Rehab.  Now I know that Drew likes to treat his patients with Perpetual Duck Face:

Pun intended.
I think that's supposed to be his "I'm sorry" face, but it just makes him look like Zoolander with a tie.

9:00pm: Breaking Bad, a full hour of sadness, depression, and anxiety.

Where every season is more depressing than the last!
10:00pm: True Blood, which simultaneously makes me want to live in Bon Temp (so I can be something really cool too, like a were-parrot!) and run for the hills (um, sweaty much?!!?).  Also, you can't beat this:

You can bite me anytime, Eric Northman, amnesia or no.
Or, if Eric isn't your cup o' tea, there's always Alcide:

Even dudes have to admit that Alcide is HAWT.
SIGH.  Enough said.

11:00pm: Bedtime.

If I lose the followers that I gained in the last week, I guess I can't even blame you.  I'm so losery I think I even have to spell it wrong, like some of my idiot acquaintances on Facebook.

So, my friends, what you are reading is the blog of a LOOSER (sic).

What did YOU do this weekend?



Melbourne on my mind said...

You know, I may just have to break out my Team Eric t-shirt today after that lovely little reminder. Mmmmm, Eric... ;)

And holy shit, I wish I hadn't been eating breakfast when I looked at the exploded snake picture. Because that is NASTY...

My weekend was busy - the joys of being back in Melbourne and actually having a social life!! :D

Anonymous said...

What the heck is that red monster? I cannot do country living! LOL I agree with you on the sappy post and then running the opposite direction. It seems because my humor has been lacking my funny readers have eradicated from the premises to keep from crying! Your true readers don't care if your sad or happy or bitchy... I am here forever girl!

Meri said...

hmmmmm I haven't watched True Blood long enough for this Alcide character... perhaps I should give it another shot! Especially since that first vamp seems to have gotten a haircut since his lucius malfoy mane in season one... where I last left off...

Bi said...

@Kirsti: Team Eric shirt!!!! Arghh, I want one!!! I always hated Bill, and it's awesome that he's being a total ass this year so my hatred is justified.

@PBM: It's a "tegu" I think... Nasty little things, they are. Ughhh! Thanks for the support!

@Meri: True Blood takes a little.. um.. patience to get through? Sometimes it's so insanely stupid that you think you're losing brain cells from watching it, but sometimes it's great! Last season, where Alcide is introduced, really sucked... But this year is wonderful again. :)