Tuesday, January 24, 2012

The Only Time I Blog Is When I'm Drunk... Just One of ELEVEN Things About Me.

Hello my lovely little dears, I am back again, and am officially one step closer to the age of 21.  Yes, that's what I said.  21.

I mean, 30.


I have to admit, though, that my almost-30-year-old friends and I really know how to party it up when the time comes, as evidenced by our shenanigans last Friday night:

Clearly I should abandon my "career" as a total tool "mental health advocate" in favor of rocking out to 80's pop hits that don't require any real vocal talent, as we all know that is NOT one of my strong points.  Anyway, I have to say that 29 does not feel much different than 28, insofar as I continue to have weird memory lapses, extreme fatigue by about 7pm, not to mention a hangover that lasts two+ days.  As a result, I have been forced to conclude that I was old LONG ago, not just last Saturday.  SIGH.

Anyway, on to bigger and better things...

Luckily for all of you, extreme blog neglect SOMETIMES results in a little blog-lovin', which has occurred thanks to the lovely and talented Ruby from There is More Than One Kind of Me... As a result of her kind transmission of her "11 things" meme, I finally have some material to blog about.  Hot Damn!!!  Here it goes:


1. I fucking hate the following words: "ginormous", "uber-ANYTHING", and "moist".

2. I FUCKING HATE the following phrases: "I could care less" (Um, DUH.  You are an idiot.), "Cool beans." (Beans are NOT cool, in fact, they make my asshole feel like they are on fire.), and "It is what it is." (Thanks for that incredibly unhelpful and obvious statement.  You truly are a Ghandi in my life.)

3. I only pretend to like the Real Housewives of ___Blank_____, since other people really seem to like them.  Truthfully, they are kind of fascinating due to their untreated mental illness, but I find it hard to stay focused on their idiocy for long.

4. I have a crush on Sam Neill.

Oh come on.  You know you agree.
5. I desperately want to go on The Bachelor just to see what would happen to me.  Would I turn into the Bawler, the Bitch, or the Golden Girl?  Would I be one of those idiots who laments to the camera about how "hard" it is to see him with other girls, even though that's WHAT THE WHOLE DAMN SHOW IS ABOUT??!!  I have a feeling I would be that asshole in the "diary room" who talks shit about everyone, and then all the other ladies are all shocked and stuff and beat up on me in the "After the Rose" special at the end.  Sad.

6.  I have no desire to get married. Unless it's to a pro athlete or an actor who is out of town A LOT.

7.  My cat has dingleberries and I don't know how to rid him of them.  GROSS!

8.  I have a burning and undying hatred for alfredo sauce.  I know it's only cheese, but it really looks, smells, and tastes unpleasant.  Excuse me while I go puke.

9.   Is it just me, or is Ricky Martin like the best guy ever??!


10.  Once I find out that a celebrity is a Republican, I instantly dislike them.  This makes me judgmental... (in case you didn't know that already.)

Sorry Kelly, I know you're heartbroken, but that whole "Ron Paul" thing really turned me off.  Just remember, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!" Kthanksbai.

11. Sometimes, when other people are sarcastic, I take it personally... Which is pretty ironic, considering I myself am quite sarcastic.  It's that whole "sarcasm masks insecurity" thing, I think.

WOWZA, those were some "interesting" facts!

Here's a few more, courtesy of Ruby:

Ruby's questions...
1. If you could have any job in the world, regardless of income, qualifications etc, what would it be?   I would most definitely be the person who picks music for movies and TV.  Only then every movie I did would be populated with 80's and 90's one hit wonders.  

2. What is your most "uncool" hobby?  I like to hang out with my mom... Um, my mom is hilarious, y'all.  Suck it.

3. If you could only change one thing about your life in 2012 what would it be?  Most definitely my job.

4. What is the worst movie you have ever seen?  Pretty sure every copy of Elizabethtown can be gathered up and burned and I would sit in the background and laugh!

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would you live?  Hawaii probably... Those people never work, you know.  They just sit around in bikinis and drink cocktails with little umbrellas in them.

6. What is your favourite possession?  My Little Martin guitar.  I can't play for shit, but it looks cute sitting in my apartment.

7. Which movie/tv star did you have a crush on growing up?  Jonathan Taylor Thomas, OF COURSE!!  I saw "Man of the House" like a dozen times in the theater... Ahem.

8. What is your favourite joke or random quote?  It's a Sarah Palin joke that is insanely mean, so I'm not going to answer.  It may or may not have something to do with one of her children.  AHEM.

9. Are you a Grease or Grease 2 person?  There's a Grease 2?

10. Favourite Simpson's character?  I always had a soft spot for Millhouse... He is one sad little boy!

11. Do you need a 'friend' with you in order to eat KFC?  Oh hell no!  YUM, bring on the coleslaw!!


Lorraine said...

HAPPY ALMOST 30! My gift to you is to not tell you I'm a Republican so that we can still be friends 4eva.

I have a guitar that just decorates my room. It is so cute.


Coyote Rose said...

Yes there is a Grease 2 an its incredibly cheesy and awesome. Also I am a Republican, so you can now commence hating me now- even though I'm awesome and would totally rock out to 80s tunes with you.

Melbourne on my mind said...

Happy birthday!!!!! I'll be joining you in Oh-God-this-time-next-year-I'll-have-to-write-a-3-at-the-start-of-my-age land in April.

Yes, there was a Grease 2. It had Michelle Pfeiffer in it O.o

I wish you were in charge of the music for TV shows and movies. You really can't go wrong with 80s and 90s one hit wonders! (Also, I kind of love Elizabethtown. I'M SORRY!!!)

Also, the only having two political parties thing makes my head hurt. Which is why I'm not allowed to watch the news in America. I end up yelling at the TV...

Also also? BLOG MORE. I miss you <3

Bi said...

@Lorraine and Coyote Rose: Oh don't worry my love, the only reason Republicanism turns me off in celebrities is because i know nothing else about them... However, with lovely lady bloggy friends, I know you are all beautiful and intelligent women who like 80's and 90's pop tunes!!!

@Kirsti: Hahaha, I just thought Elizabethtown was extremely boring! Am I missing something there?!?!

Melbourne on my mind said...

I think it's one of those movies that improves on repeat viewings. The first time around, it's all "WTF is this film about?" and "OHMYGODKIRSTENDUNSTISANNOYING" and "Why is Orlando Bloom trying to be American?". But after that, you can just kind of sit back and appreciate it. Course, that might just be me... ;)

Meri said...

I don't like alfredo either. and I think cool beans is a weird expression. And I"m not "married" to the marriage idea either. Hey, we'd be great friends in real life! oh wait...

The Tsaritsa a.k.a. Alexandra Naughton said...

I was pretty disappointed when I found out Clint Eastwood is a Republican.

Also, you look like a rockstar in that photo! Rock on :)

Liddy said...

I had a crush on Sam Neill for the duration of Jurassic Park before Jeff Goldblum came on screen. But yes, I know there is a place in my heart that still agrees.

Shelly said...

I'm the same way with sarcasm! If someone is talking to me in a sarcastic tone I either get really paranoid or I think they are being a dick.

Ruby said...

You and I have pretty much the same ideal job!

And you really should watch Grease 2. It is so very bad that it is absolutely fantastic. Michelle Pfeiffer is in it. Need I say more?

Erin likes it hot. said...

new post or I punch a kitten.....you don't want that on your conscious.

Anonymous said...

I can't stand it either when someone says "I could care less". I think it's related to your fact about sarcasm, because sometimes people do say it ironically.
But the rest are plain ignorant.

apa essay format said...

Yup also hate it when somebody says to me "I could care less"...how the people judge yourself when you have an entirely different way of thinking.

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