Tuesday, January 10, 2012

The Sweet Smell of Success

Okay, okay.

I am going to skip that whole "OMG I AM SO SORRY THAT I HAVEN'T POSTED, I'M AN ASS", etc. etc, as I'm sure you are all well aware of my sentiments in this regard (i.e., I really AM sorry, I AM an ass, but I swear to you that I would post more if I actually did something in my day-to-day life.  I SWEAR IT!!).

So, with that not being said, I'll move on to the thing that has been causing me extreme annoyance for the past month or so.

In my last post that was a mere three months hours ago, I informed you all that I made the extremely saddening, yet adult move to the Big City for the most Awesome Job I've Ever Had*.

*For future reference, from now on, things in Capital Letters refer to things that I really don't mean, but I'm trying to NOT look like a Debbie Downer.  Here's an example:  Vote for Mitt Romney This November, He Is a Great Man!  And Very Smart!  And Not At All Weird or Creepy!!!!

**In case you are REALLY daft, I just want to re-iterate that Mitt Romney is an ass-hat with a hairpiece, only slightly less irritating than the sniveling and hateful Newt Gingrich.  But, at least Newt can strap on a pair of balls and fling some shit at Mitt (I Am The Next Shakespeare, Clearly).

***Political commentary OVER.

For those you unfamiliar with the Minnesota metro-area, I am currently living in the ritzy little suburb of Eden Prairie, home of the Minnesota Vikings (oooooooooooooooooooooh!) and pretty much every chain restaurant you could possibly dream of (aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!).  This town is filled with "young families" (um, could you PULEEEEEEZ leave your kids at home when you go to the liquor store?  Sheesh!), old people who don't know how to drive, and multi-millionaires who also don't know how to drive.  But darn, their BMWs look lovely in the dry winter air.

Now before I moved into this miniscule lovely apartment, I didn't think there was a bad place to live in Eden Prairie.  I mean, surely the only people who rented apartments here are Minnesota Vikings players who are too cheap to buy since they all hope and pray to be traded elsewhere, RIGHT?  ONLY THE BEST FOR VIKINGS PLAYERS!!!!

This was the faulty thinking that led me to the sprawling apartment complex we will heretofore refer to as "The Curry Corral".  The Curry Corral was so ideally located, right down the street from the My Dream Job, and they even accepted obese and unfriendly cats who shed their entire body weight in fur everyday!  Sure, the place was the size of a shoebox.  Okay, so maybe no one wants to drive out to Eden Prairie to hang out, since it's a half hour from anything exciting... But whatevs, it was closer to My Home Away From Home (aka, WORK), so I didn't really think about those things.

Well, folks, I hate to puncture this happy little fantasy with reality, but the Curry Corral REALLY SUCKS!  Problem #1: My neighbors.  My neighbors cook some of the stinkiest shit I have ever smelled in my life.

Every morning upon leaving my apartment, I vomit a little bit in my mouth upon smelling the stench of curry, rotten potatoes, and what can only be the Sweet Smell of the shit from my cat's litter box.

Okay, this is really disgusting.  But this is what I imagine my neighbors shoving into their mouths at 8:00 in the morning.

No seriously, I actually gag upon leaving the apartment.  I can't imagine what one could be ingesting at that God-forsaken hour in the morning that smells that way.

The worst part is that the smell actually wafts into my apartment throughout the day, carried through the vents and seeping into my clothes, my furniture, and my poor, vulnerable Little kitty.  I have air fresheners in every free space.  I open the windows, even when it's 12 degrees outside.  Bowls of vinegar, liquid potpourri, you name it, I've tried it.

The smell may be just stuck in my nostrils, but regardless, it highlights one of the many Joys of apartment living: stinky neighbors.

Stay tuned for Part II of the stinky neighbors discussion in my NEXT POST, which hopefully should occur before three months from now.  I will warn you all, however, that a brief period of depression may be approaching within the next couple of weeks, given that I will be ushering in my 29th year of living in two weeks!!  29 YEARS, PEOPLE!!  Pretty soon I will be booted from 20SB forever, due to age restrictions.

I'm going to go hang my head and cry now.  *sobs*.  Thanks to all of you who are still reading this blog, considering my dropping off the face of the Earth and never commenting on others' blogs.  My most sincere of apologies, I promise to be a little more on top of it now that I have this fancy contraption:

Thanks, Mom!  Best Christmas gift EVAH!!
Now I don't even have to bother myself with opening my laptop to read everyone's blogs.  WOOT!



Meri said...

Is that a smart phone? or a tablet? I can't tell! Nice gift though. What are you doing for your b-day- I want to rescue you from the curry corrall hahaha- my sister's old place was next to people who made Indian food all of the time and she said it made her bat shit crazy. I hope that doesn't continue to haunt you! Alternately, I'm planning a happy hour for a couple of people at our house in the next month or so. I'll be in touch :)

The Tsaritsa a.k.a. Alexandra Naughton said...

Happy Almost Birthday! I'm sorry to hear about your curry-scented apartment building. I think I might enjoy the curry smells, but not rotten potatoes. Yuck :/

Did you sign a crazy lease? It's definitely good to live close to work, but not at the expense of your social life. Maybe there's a better apartment halfway between fun and work?

Glad to see you blogging again! Your readers miss you!!

Johnny Madrid aka Tim E. said...

Aaaah, so excellent to have you back! As always, HILARIOUS! Yeah, i'm in the middle of moving. It's in a ghetto so you'll be hearing some crazy stories from me too. Keep writing! Don't stay away too long anymore ;-)

Shelly said...


I think my husband works with your neighbors. He always complains about what some of the people eat for lunch. Apparently it smells super bad and makes a mess in the microwaves.

Lorraine said...

Even though there was a picture of poop on a plate in this post, I can still confidently say that I have missed you, girl.

29?!?? Sads. ;)


Erin said...

I've been so terrible about trawling through my favorite blogs, lately, but I'm so glad to have caught up with your blog! Hope things are smelling better!!

I understand about 29. *sigh* I'll be leaving my 20's behind forever in slightly less than two months. Not that I'm counting or anything!

Ruby said...

I am into my early 30s and loving it. A fellow blogger has accurately stated that your 30s are just like your 20s but with 50% less crazy (the 50% remaining is the good kinda crazy!).

BTW I got tagged in an 11 things thing and since I am only new to being an active member of the blogging community I struggled to tag 11 people. I read your blog regularly so guess what - tag, you're it! :) http://onekindofme.blogspot.com/2012/01/11-things-about-me.html